Dear, Oh Dear, Oh Dear....

From the sublime (and I use the term loosely)...

.... to the ridiculous, or as you might say, terrifying...

Match Report - Longlevens v Cirencester (6th April)

Longlevens 45 - 5 Cirencester

It was, yet again, as cold as an Eskimo's chuff at Longford Lane this morning, but at least the early snow cleared off the pitch, and with the somewhat plaintive 'I'm snowed in, in Hampshire' from Shaggy ringing in his ears, The Big Chap once again reffed us through the morning (once Matt had recovered his boots and whistle from the truck) - yet again, the body count was low and he kept up with play manfully throughout, despite a somewhat, ahem, difficult start to the day....




'Levens started well, with plenty of pressure on the left, with Bestie looking good at fullback and joining the line, Lewis 'Crazy Legs' Powell running hard and Joe Salkeld linking play well. However, 10 minutes in, something of an aberration from a linout on our 22 presented Cirencester with a golden opportunity - just needed to flop over the line onto the ball to make it 0-5.





The home team came back again, with Sam Lane powering off the base of the scrum, and displaying an impressive handoff on a number of occasions, and Sam Rees and CJ tacking everything that moved - the forwards moved up on the right, and then the backs put together a sweet move to the left, putting Bestie in at the corner for 5-5 at half time.

Worthy of note was the new instruction from the ref, not heard previously from any spectator, to crouchtouchholdengage....



The second half saw 'Levens pick up the pace, with slope and wind behind them, and only a couple of minutes in, Gabby went over to the left of the posts from close quarters - something I failed to see, unfortunately, as I was judging the snowman competition at the time.... Rory 'Lewis Hamilton hair' Woodward kicked the conversion for 12-5.




5 minutes later Mikey Yorke fielded a kick out from the Ciren 22 and, showing real pace, skinned the defence on the outside to go over in the corner for 17-5. Almost straightaway we were back in the Ciren 22, with Watto wading through defenders and plunging over the line for 24-5.

25 minutes in 'Levens were under pressure from Ciren, conceding penalties and showing some lack of discipline, but managed to keep the visitors out, then Shane O'Brien broke out from our 22 on the right, showing real pace, for 31-5. Almost immediately, not wanting to be outdone, Watto did the same, giving a beautiful dummy to fox the defence before putting Shane in again for 38-5.

Final action of the match was Taff crusing over for another try to make the final score 45-5...



Good to see the Parkers - turning up late and looking somewhat the worse for wear afte the Munster game - and no, this picture isn't out of focus - he did look this blurry....

Tour 2008 - Heroes & Villians

There's not much time left to make your choices and sort your outfits for Tour - here's the current scores on the doors....

Heroes:

Rory Woodward - Spiderman
Lewis Powell
Sam Lane - Rambo
Carole Watson
Chris Powick - Action Man
Rich Parker - Anikin Skywalker
Sam Rees - Virgil Tracy
Martin Woodward - Captain America
Mark Hartery - Shaggy
Andy Watson
Jamie Best - Indiana Jones
Karl Jones - Thor (I'm resisting 'Tho am I, but it wath worth it'....)
George Cusworth - James Bond
Helen Brown - Thelma
Shane O’Brien - Batman
Mike Yorke - Red Power Ranger
Dave Watson
Mike Bullock
Tom Reade - Maverick
Jed Jones - Wolverine

Villians:

Christian Hartery - Dalek Sec
Oliver Deacon
Dave Gabb
Ben Gabb
Nathan Hazard - The Godfather
Jake Williams - Darth Maul
Paul Watson
Nico Woodward - Saddam Hussein
Joe Salkeld - The Hitcher - Mighty Boosh
Fergus Walsh
Steve Parker - Jango Fett
Shaun Bullock
Steve Williams
Joe Gamston - Freddy Kruger
Brian Mince
Jacob Dyer
Phil Lane - Al Capone
Stu Stephenson - Darth Vader

Match Report - Longlevens v Old Reigatians (23rd March)

Longlevens 5 - 36 Old Reigatians

It was bright and sunny on Sunday morning, though once again as cold as an Eskimo's tailpipe, but hey, that's Spring for you... We had a match against a touring team - Old Reigatians from, er, Reigate which is somewhere near scenic Gatwick - news to me, as I'd have bet you good money it was on the coast in Kent - hey ho, what's a geography O Level worth these days, eh?? Correct.

The plan was to make sure everyone available got some game time, so there would be plenty of mixing and matching going on - as ever, the crowd couldn't wait for the game to get going....

Once they'd overcome certain, ahem, issues with the lifts in their hotel, and the fire brigade had departed, ORs (as I'll be calling them from now on) got well stuck in, and my notes (yes, I do take some) look a little like this:

11.05 Kick Off

11.06 OR score, good run from fullback 0-5

11.10 OR fullback breaks from own half 0-12

11.12 'Levens starting to play, interception from OR - try on right 0-17

11.15 OR try on right 0-22

'Levens were somewhat blitzed by this start, but did start to roll up their sleeves and work their way back into the match - Mikey Yorke put in a good run on the right, John Phillips was playing well at scrum half and Fergus Walsh showing some good touches, but OR had some good, big, quick lads, so they put in another score with 20 minutes gone - a great offload off the floor, despite a cracking covering tackle from Sam Rees - for 0-29.

Somewhat unfortunately OR also ran back the restart for 0-36, and a couple of minutes later we had the highlight of the first half (for the home team) when Jed Jones, playing at fullback, cleared out a ruck on the far side of the pitch with his now patented Exocet technique....

Changes were made at half time, and 'Levens played a far more physical game (Nico) - just about all of the play was in the OR half, with Messrs Cusworth, Rees, Salkeld and O'Brien putting in a great deal of hard work - lots of pressure, but no points until 10 minutes from the end when Chris Powick crashed over on the left for a final score of 5-36.

As they say, it's a game of 2 halves, and they won one, and we won the other, so we could call it a draw, apart from the fact that we clearly won the mulled Vimto drinking for MOTM as well, so a moral victory, n'est pas?? Seriously, well played to OR - a very good team... They beat Widden on Friday too - so they can't be all bad...

Couple of points - slightly worried by some pitch side goings-on (Grammar schools, eh??) and not too sure about the quality of the belt shown....

County Cup Widden OB - Longlevens (16th March)

Widden OB 22 - 22 Longlevens
(Widden go through, eventually, on tries scored)

Sorry for the delay in getting this up (phnar) - been busy at work, been a sickly boy (again!!) and have spent a considerable amount of time at GRH having people shine bright lights into my eyes - ideal!!

So, let's think back to last Sunday morning - I'm not saying it was cold at Widden OB's (or Beaufort School, as it turned out to be...) but Phil Lane (or Trapper John, as we may now start to call him) was asked for his coat by an Ursus Maritimus.... Nice to renew acquaintances with sundry Davies' (Davii??) and Gellerts (Gelleri??)

Longlevens started well, into the teeth of a brisk nor'easter putting on early pressure with runs from Chris Powick, Gabby and George Cusworth, among others, but Widden found their feet and came back strongly and opened the scoring 10 minutes in for 7-0.

'Levens again tried to come back into the game, and were awarded a penalty 20 minutes in on just outside the 22 on the left - in difficult conditions Rory Woodward slotted the kick for 7-3.

After coming back in, 'Levens rather went to sleep 5 minutes later and let Widden back in for a soft try on the right - 12-3. We carried on playing good rugby as the half drew to a close, with Shane O'Brien fielding a kick well on the right and running powerfully, with Gabby and Deacs providing good support.

In the second half we spilt an early opportunity close to the Widden line, and were punished when they went down the pitch to make the score 17-3. Yet again we didn't lie down though, and with the wind behind us exerted pressure on the Widden left - with the home team conceding repeated penalties and deploying some questionable tactics... Ben Gabb drove over for 17-8, and Rory slotted a superb conversion from wide out for 17-10.

20 minutes into the second half it looked as though the game was slipping away when Widden scored on the left to make it 22-10, but again we didn't give up, and kept the pressure on, with Rory scoring a try in the right corner for 22-15.

In the dying seconds of the game 'Levens attacked again with a very clever kick and chase (and score!!) from Taff Ford for 22-20, and Rory slotting another difficult conversion from wide on the left for 22-22 with the last play of the game...

After some uncertainty, it was thought that 'Levens had won as the away team in the tie, but eventually it was decided that Widden had won on tries scored.

Still, a credit to all the players, and an indication of what can be achieved - well done to everyone involved.

Competition: Which of these 2 is a winger, and which a forward who's just taken his scrum cap off??

County Cup Update

We've got more info through....

County Cup QF Draw - Sunday March 16th

Cleve Vs Hucclecote
Widden OB Vs Longlevens
Old Patesians Vs Cirencester
Cheltenham Vs Dursley

Semi Final Draw - Sunday March 30th

Widden OB or Longlevens Vs Old Patesians or Cirencester
Cheltenham or Dursley Vs Cleve or Hucclecote

County Plate QF Draw - Sunday March 16th

Lydney Vs Cinderford
Clifton Vs Brockworth
Old Richians Vs Thornbury
St Mary's Vs Stroud

Semi Final Draw - Sunday March 30th

Clifton or Brockworth Vs Old Richians or Thornbury
St Mary's or Stroud Vs Lydney or Cinderford

County Cup Lydney - Longlevens (2nd March)

Lydney 5 - 31 Longlevens

Wasn't there today - too close to needing to show a passport for me - but Mark informs me that we won 31-5, having made hard work of it, and drawing 0-0 at half time, so well done to the lads.

That's it for the County Cup pool this year - we have a QF against, er, someone on 16/03.

Well Done - Rich Parker

It seems that whilst everyone else was "revising" (aka dossing about playing computer games, squeezing spots and looking at girls) at Half Term, Rich 'Punchy' Parker was hard at work at GL1 becoming an honest to goodness qualified lifeguard!! I know it's not easy to believe, but apparently it's true - I won't be queuing for the kiss of life, but well done Rich - good lad.... Just remember, it's not all about the breast stroke...

Well Done - Joe & Christian

Well done to Joe Salkeld and Christian Hartery - both turned out for the Welsh Exiles (aren't they all??) the weekend before last at Ledbury against, er, Ledbury (bit of a mismatch in my book - whole country against small market town, but never mind that...) - the Exiles won 44-5, and we are, seriously, really pleased for 'em - well done!!

Match Report - Longlevens v Cleve (24th February)

Longlevens 5 - 10 Cleve

Well, it was a tougher test in the County Cup last weekend (sorry for the report being late - been busy, and yes, I know I'm a Civil Servant!!) and 'Levens came up short - out-psyched by a good team and to a certain extent looking beaten before they started...






As you can see, the spectators were on the edge of their seats before KO - not sure about the security fencing though....







The home team started well, with some real effort and good play from Deacs Jnr and Sam Rees, with Chris Powick putting in some thundering runs, but nothing came of this possesion.

10 minutes in Yorkie stole a Cleve pass, fed Bestie and Matt Hayward put in a strong run before being run out of play.




20 minutes in 'Levens forced Cleve into conceding a penalty which we failed to convert from just outside the 22. Just after this, Cleve scored on the left following a good move, for 0-5 and 5 minutes later they repeated the process for 0-10....




Just before half time Hayward again put in a storming run, on the right this time, forcing Cleve to concede a penalty in the 22, we moved the ball left, with Mikey Yorke putting Jacob Dyer in on the left for 5-10.





The second half was scoreless, with occasional 'Levens pressure but good defence from Cleve and some dangerous breaks from the visitors, only just kept out by the home team on a number of occasions










After the match, Head Coach Deacon remained, er, philosophical about the morning, pondering on the reasons for a rather poor performance - hopefully we'll bounce back...







Matt Hayward was named man of the match for the home team, and made commendably short work of his pint of creme de casis shandy....

County Cup Results To Date

Slightly (and only slightly!!) tidier version of CC status....

Match Report - Longlevens v Stow (10th February)

Longlevens 43 - 7 Stow

Correct. That's nothing to do with rugby - that's Gloucester docks, but that's where I was until 11.15 this morning, taking pics for my boy's GCSE Art, so I missed the start of the game....

I arrived about 15 mins in, with the score at 19-0 - apparently I missed:

• Taff Ford finishing off after being fed by Rory Woodward for the first score
• Rory scoring from a Christian Hartery kick through for the second
• Gabby rumbling over from a lineout for the third

The Big Chap had the whistle again today - got through another, though there was a bit of a scare in the second half (luckily the Stow lad was fine) - and it has to be said, he'd obviously been trying, as there was a distinctly sweaty back after the match... Yeuw....

2 other subjects of note - some unseemly crowd violence, as Gordon treads on Brian, and why is Neil trying to eat Toby's whole head??

Anyway, I digress.... 20 minutes in 'Levens put together a good move on half way, working the ball right to left and putting Taff in for his second score in the corner, for 24-0. 5 minutes later, George Cusworth made a good break, putting Sam Rees clear to score for 31-0.

Stu Stephenson was playing well, and Chris Powick was putting in some big, big hits as the half drew to a close.

The second half saw Tom Reade putting in another good performance, with George Cusworth and Sam Rees everywhere, as well as Lewis Powell running like a man possessed. 10 minutes in Sam Lane brilliantly turned ball over on the Stow 22, Deacs took the ball on to the right, feeding Fergus, who shipped the ball to Nathan, who in turn put Shane O'Brien over in the corner for 43-0.

Jake Williams was playing well on the wing, attacking well, and defending manfully, though it has to be said that he's clearly been taking elocution lessons from Joe Salked!!

'Levens rather went to sleep, and Stow, to their credit, kept on pressing, and were eventually rewarded with a try in the forwards on the right, following a penalty on the right, for a final score of 43-7.

Following a strong all-round performance, George Cusworth was m-o-t-m, though it has to be said he struggled with the customary pint of creme de menth, looking like something of a big girl's blouse - all the more galling, as his Dad and Grandad were watching, and frankly, laughing....

Bag Packing - Scores On The Doors...

The Tescos bag packing seems to have been a rip-roaring success - the efforts of the lads on Friday evening and Saturday morning have netted an amount in excess of £1100 for the tour fund, according to Mark Hartery, phoning from a Caribbean tax haven earlier - well done to everyone....

Amazingly enough, we received many, many comments on how well behaved, polite and helpful our packers were - I'd just like to know who they were, as it clearly wasn't the kids we see each week....

All I can say is, Steve. there's no need for the product placement anymore, eh??

Apparently there were some fringe benefits for certain packers, eh, Rich?? What's that?? Not that sort??

Well done to everyone - especially Steve for organising everything...

Latest Competition

Identify what's in the picture - no, honestly, something's there, you need to look closer....

Match Report - Longlevens v Old Pats (3rd February)

Longlevens 29 - 0 Old Pats

Well, it was a little brisk this morning, down at the Club, in the same way that the sun is a little way away, and England were a little poor yesterday....

This was the replacement friendly, plugging the gap from Tewkesbury pulling out of the County Cup - and hopefully Old Pats and the home team both got something out of it...






Deacs was reffing this morning, and praise be to God, the Big Chap has actually completed a full game mit whistle at the third time of asking - perhaps we should drop the shouts of 'Jonah', and 'Call the ambulance' now?? No, thought not.

As someone said when he stripped off the warm up top and jogged (I use the term loosely) on (in proper boots, note) for kickoff 'Well, it looks like the ref had a good Christmas'... OK, Ollie??


Anyway, to business, basically it was absolutely freezing & blowing a gale - 10 minutes in, my first shaky note says 'Not much happening' - good, eh?? Rich Parker came into the game, putting in a couple of good, driving runs (he's payed me to say that, obviously). 5 minutes later we stole Old Pats lineout ball on our right, and Rory 'Peg Leg' Woodward, making a welcome return, stepped off his left foot on the 22, left the defence standing and went over under the posts, converting his own try for 7-0.



For the next 10 or 15 minutes we lapsed back into 'nothing much happening', though 'Levens were on top, keeping Old Pats penned back, and exerting as much pressure as the continual knock-ons and handling errors, brought on by the sub-zero temperatures, would allow....


Then, a moment of class - Christian Hartery kicked ahead from the base of a scrum on the left, fielded his own kick and went over on the right for 12-0.


Jake Williams was playing a sterling game on he right wing, and Peg Leg was everywhere - clearly relishing being back in action. Honourable mentions to Chris Powick, who was putting the fear of God into the opposition and Chris 'Call Me CJ' Johnson doing likewise...

The game turned round at 12-0, and with most onlookers (OK, Sarah, Karl, Mark - not you) hoping for something other than a replay of yesterday's international) we got back into it - very quickly 'Levens were making progress on the right, with an intelligent hoof forward from Hartery which Mikey Yorke failed to actually make contact with in-goal - hey ho....

Fergus Walsh in the backs was playing well, and Joe 'What's A Sidestep' Gamston was being, er, direct in the forwards, along with Sam Lane from No. 8 who put in a storming run, only just being kept out on the left.





Most of the play continued to be in Old Pats 22, and 10 minutes into the second half Sam Rees linked well with George Cusworth on the left for 17-0.

A few minutes later, with Tom Reade continuing to play well Shane O'Brien scored on the right, following some good work from Nathan Hazard and Cusworth in the centre. Score 22-0.




Just before full time 'Levens turned over Old Pats ball on our 10m line, Sam Rees fed Taff Ford on the left, who stepped inside the covering defence and showed 'em a clean pair of heels for a final score of 29-0.



After that it was top speed for the welcoming warmth of the Clubhouse and a Committee selection of joint men of the match - Tom Reade and Chris 'I've Got A Cold, I Can't Drink It Any Quicker' Johnson.... celebrating with 2 delightful pints of lager shandy, the lucky, lucky illegitamae....








Couple of points - what's Rich Parker lounging around like this for....














And, is this really the publicity Premier Cars are looking for?? Lewis??

Squad Photo - January 2008

Longlevens U16s Squad, at training on 16th January 2008. Whole squad, with Mark & Deacs. Many thanks to our sponsors - Warners Motor Group, Premier Cars, Motorfix and JR Laboratories.

For all of those who were admiring the snazy mounted pics we're giving out to the sponsors, this is (I seem to remember) exactly the same photo - not reduced in detail etc - so you can, if you so desire, save it locally and either print or send off.... Me and Phil won't even invoke copyright charges!!

2 Competitions For The Price Of One

I spoil you, I really do - for a prize of my choosing, have a go at the following:

Name The, Er, Name - identify all 4 heads in this shot

For this one, just identify what the heck it is!!

Match Report - Longlevens v Brockworth (27th January)

Longlevens 63 - 0 Brockworth

'Levens opened their '08 County Cup campaign this morning, with a comfortable home win against a slightly under-strength Brockworth side (but, on the bright side, at least the weather was better than the abandoned game in December!!)...

5 minutes in the home team put together some good phases of play on the right, with some decent backs play from Taff Ford and Matt Hayward before the ball went into the forwards again for a try from Ben Gabb on the right.

10 minutes in 'Levens took Brockworth lineout ball and put together a 'proper' move for Taff to cruise over in the right corner.

Quarter of an hour in, following some ill-discipline amongst the visitors, 'Levens worked a nice miss move between Christian Hartery and Jamie Best from a 5m scrum, to send Nathan Hazard in to make the score 15-0.




5 minutes later 'Levens worked a good backs move, involving Taff, Jed Jones and Matt Hayward, leading to a try converted by Christian for 22-0.

Brockworth were trying to come back into the game, but George Cusworth, Joe Salkeld, Chris Powick, Stu Stephenson and Sam Rees were working hard to frustrate their efforts, and just before half time Hayward made another good break on the right, feeding Cusworth who linked with Powick who put Deacs over for the final score of the half - 29-0.

'Levens started the second half as they'd finished the first, with Shane O'Brien running hard on the right wing, and Jed Jones looking very solid at full back. Early in the half Matt Hayward put in a blistering run from the 10m line on the left to make the score 34-0.

The home pack continued to dominate, with Paul Watson putting in some punishiung runs and, as the half progressed the coaching brains trust (well, OK, Mark & Deacs) started to ring the changes with Fergus Walsh coming on for Jed, and Lewis 'Crazy Legs' Powell replacing Stu Stephenson.




10 minutes in the home team executed a textbook catch & drive from a lineout for Ben Gabb to crash over form close rnge for 39-0. Straight after, 'Levens came back again via O'Brien on the right for 44-0.

More changes followed - Rich 'Smiler' Parker on for Chris Powick, Sam Lane for Ben Gabb and CJ Johnson for George Cusworth - Lewis Powell put in an excellent chase from a kick ahead from Taff Ford, and from the ensuing scrum Rich Parker went over on the left for 49-0.




A second try from O'Brien followed, finishing off another good backs move, with Hartery converting. Jake Williams came on for Matt Hayward and produced another terrier-like performance in the time available.

Taff Ford finished off the scoring, cutting through a tiring defence from the 22 for 63-0.





For a cracking all-round performance, Stu Stephenson was named
m-o-t-m..





And, as you can tell, the home spectators were in raptures after this performance...